So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
