biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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