So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
