the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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