he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
