1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
