Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
