So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
