I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
