She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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