Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
