I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
