whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
