Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
