so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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