So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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