My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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