I wish my penis had an off switch
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
