Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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