you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
