i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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