I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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