you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
