I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
