dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
