it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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