so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
