I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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