Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His nipple licking is glorious
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