Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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