I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
