There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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