I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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