I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
