This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
