Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
