i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
