Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
