watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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