I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
