Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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