So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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