i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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