dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
