I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
