I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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