My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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