i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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