You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
