Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
