while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
