just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
