That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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