I think i peed on brittanys purse
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
