sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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