My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
