My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
