Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
