Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
