That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
