Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
