i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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