Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
