I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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