Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
