When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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