I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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