and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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