How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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