I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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